


Five Things That Never Happened To Aziraphale

by imperfectcircle



Series: Stories by theme: Short and introspective [1]
Category: Good Omens - Gaiman & Pratchett
Genre: Gen, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-11-06
Updated: 2003-11-06
Packaged: 2017-10-05 14:59:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imperfectcircle/pseuds/imperfectcircle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things That Never Happened To Aziraphale

**Author's Note:**

> **Additional disclaimer:** Those 77 words that match the tone of the book precisely? They're from the book.
> 
> For [](http://carmarthen.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://carmarthen.livejournal.com/)**carmarthen**, who rocks my socks, with love.

"But," the angel continued, with the air of one more interested in convincing himself than in his audience's response, "He is Good, so everything He creates must be Good." He paused, waving one hand about in a vague gesture. It might have communicated his uncertainty better had he not used the hand holding a flaming sword. "By definition, one might say. Yes. So if everything He creates is Good, then is it really possible for you, as His creation, not to do Good? "

He nodded firmly, obviously satisfied with his line of thought.

Eve thought it sounded eminently reasonable.

===

He refused to speak to Crowley for years afterwards. In 1938, six months into his silence, the demon - who'd been protesting his innocence every chance he got - actually had the gall to apologise.

"Lying snake," he'd spat back. "You won't even admit this is your doing."

"It issn't," Crowley had said without a trace of mockery, "but I'm still sorry."

Aziraphale had stormed off in a blaze of righteousness. Eventually, Crowley stopped trying to contact him.

Even now he's accepted that Crowley wasn't anywhere near Germany for the worst of it, he still hasn't forgiven him for the book burnings.

===

"You see a wile, you thwart. Am I right?"

"Broadly, broadly. Actually I encourage humans to do the actual thwarting. Because of ineffability, you understand."

"Right. Right. So all you've got to do is thwart. Because if I know anything," said Crowley urgently, "it's that the birth is just the start. It's the upbringing that's important. It's the Influences. Otherwise the child will never learn to use its powers." He hesitated. "At least, not necessarily as intended."

"I don't know," said Aziraphale, his mind already made up. "I think even so, my side would frown upon that sort of thing."

===

If he'd had any warning, he might have closed his eyes.

He might have savoured the moment. He might have returned the kiss, tangling his hands in Crowley's hair and his tongue in Crowley's mouth.

He might have pulled his- his friend closer, pressing their bodies together as he delighted in the warmth between them: a second of shared humanity.

He might not just have stood there, a startled expression on his face, unable to do anything as Crowley hissed in disappointment and - to be perfectly frank - ran away like a scared little girl.

He might have made the effort.

===

"I knew a lad like you once," slurred the pirate, exhibiting surprisingly many vital signs for someone on his fourth Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.

"Oh?" Arthur said, bringing his total contribution to their conversation up to twenty "oh"s, thirty-six "er"s and one "erk".

"Just like you," the pirate nodded for emphasis, the collection of ship's circuitry now in his hair jingling merrily. "Prettier, though."

As Arthur took another step back, one fly on the wall remarked to the other, "You know, I didn't think your lot approved of sodomy."

"My dear boy, how could anyone possibly be against young love?"

===  
Fin  
===

Any feedback adored!


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